RAD-no longer a word used to exclaim "cool, awesome, super!"

RAD-Reactive Attachment Disorder. Where do I start? I am not sure, so please hang in there while I explain.......

Obviously, I am speaking about my oldest son (well, he's actually my stepson but I have been a part of his life since he was almost two and I have raised him as my own since he was four-so, he is my son) who was recently diagnosed with RAD. I am having a hard time coming to terms with it but mainly that is because I am furious that it has taken six and half years to be diagnosed and four therapists later! That alone makes me want to vomit......literally sick to my stomach. The money, time, and effort and all we were ever told was our son was ADHD and medication would probably help. Well guess what, we have tried almost every single medication for ADHD and to be honest, there was never a change. It is one of the most discouraging situations I have ever been in. Within the last three months I finally went in to the psychiatrist office and said "it's NOT working, this isn't working-we need help". Who knew that those words would change our lives so much.

We were blessed to find a new therapist that was able to come to the home and quickly looked at his past history and said, "that sounds like reactive attachment disorder". Funny, because years ago when he was four and first came to live with Jonnie we noticed he was having trouble adjusting. Normal, yes but also worrisome... In fact, Jonnie's sister and I often discussed that he displayed these odd behaviors and upon further research it seemed as if he may have RAD. But, we are not doctors and we could not provide him with therapy to heal. So, the years went on and here we are. He's 10-going to be 11 in May. He suffers from many of the symptoms of RAD, it's so hard for me to believe that he wasn't diagnosed earlier. I will begin to go into the symptoms...but only night at a time. I know it would be too much to go on even though I feel like I could write all night. In advance I would like to thank each and every person who reads this, comments on this, shares this with friends, and offers us support.

According to the book I am reading, When Love is Not Enough: A Guide to Parenting Children with RAD-Reactive Attachment Disorder by Nancy Thomas, there are about 23 sign/symptoms of RAD. The diagnosis calls for at least half the symptoms and one of the causes (we will get into what I feel the "cause" may be a little later). Just so you know, together Jonnie and I calculated that we feel he has about 18-20 of these signs/symptoms....again, unbelievable that no other therapists saw this earlier. For tonight, we will focus on the first symptom which is "acts superficial and phony, especially around strangers or people they feel they can manipulate in order to be in control."

He does this, often. He clings to strangers and prefers to be with individuals he know he can manipulate (grandparents, teachers, etc.). He puts on a front at times, so much so that even family members look at us and tell us that we are too hard on him. They see the beautiful side of Trenton (which we all know and love) but they never see the other side. The side were he treats us as if we have abused him, abandoned him, or hurt him physically or mentally-which we have not. But, as I read he has to take the anger out on his "real mom". In case you didn't read my earlier note on facebook, I leave you with this quote from one of the first pages that by far was one of the most profound moments.
"Who is the real mom? Is it the one who gave them birth? Not necessarily! The real mom is the one that guides their way, picks them up when they fall down, holds them when they cry, and loves them no matter how bad their behavior becomes. It must be clear to the child who the real mother is! She then will become the target of their anger and the haven for their hearts to heal".

So, join us on our journey as I use our blog (I promise not to just blog on RAD) about how our family is learning to heal and searching for the right way to show him how much he is loved.