Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Raise your hand if you know me. Hug me if I am your friend. Hold me, hug me, kiss me, and wipe my tears if you are my best friend!

We had a conversation similar to this with Trenton tonight. We tried to explain to him what a "true" friend is. Not just an acquaintance. We also definitely warned him about trying to fit in. So far, it has only gotten him into trouble. A lot of trouble.

So, 6th grade has been rough thus far. Really rough. I struggle daily with how to wake up and move on into a new day. I am exhausted and tired of dealing with a school system that doesn't make it any better. The worst part is how bad our son is suffering. It's not just school, it's life. He doesn't know how to move on but instead still struggles with coping with his past. He's so broken and we just don't know how to help him.

We continue with therapy and that does help to some extent but we really need to work with someone who understands and has background in attachment issues. I began researching on my own and trying to figure out how to get more help for my family. After contacting numerous agencies to see what we could qualify or what help we could receive, we found an attachment clinic in Charlottesville, VA. We have been in contact with them and it sound promising.....5,000 dollars promising..and not covered by insurance. So, we are waiting to hear back from Trenton's school counselor on programs we might qualify for to assist with the payments (although I won't hold my breath because they don't ever get back to me).

So, while we still are at a really rough spot in our life we continue to plow through and do what we can. I told Trenton tonight (he is not happy with the thought of more specialized therapy) that one day, maybe it will be 10 or 20 years from now, he will look me in the eyes and say "thank you, for loving me and taking care of me". I know one day he will look back and appreciate me for all I have done and/or tried to do. I told him that I loved him the day I met him and that I will love him for the rest of my life. He just has to learn to let me love him as a mother should.

So, my life is a circus act and I am on the tight rope feeling like I am about to fall off! When will this feeling stop?????

P.S. I never stopped blogging, I have about 5 drafts that I wrote and never posted. Sorry!