Sunday, February 13, 2011
No Regrets....and a weekend of respite!
Any regrets in raising Trenton? No, not one. You can ask me again in 10 years and I will say it again...no regrets. We kept him from being able to go to parades, trick or treating and birthday parties but I firmly believe we made the right choice! According to the wonderful book I am reading, When Love is Not Enough by Nancy Thomas, we are and HAVE been doing the right thing! Those are privileges and for a child with RAD-privileges have to be earned! Big time...... They earn them by being respectful, honest, responsible and fun to be around. You shouldn't push them and you shouldn't have to remind them of their basic daily chores. Wow! So all the years that Jonnie and I have been giving him chores and making him be responsible, we were doing the RIGHT thing! Yea for that! My only regret??? Not pushing all the Dr.'s much sooner to look at a different diagnosis other than ADHD. I knew there was some true mental health issues with him and I just didn't know how to help him.
Tonight he was definitely difficult but I feel we made a very small step. He was having a hard time following through and completing the task asked of him (to remove the sheets from his bed to be washed since they were urinated in). We sweetly offered for him to rest since he was too tired and exhuasted to do what was asked (a tip in our book). He didn't like that at all..he promptly went into a full on tantrum in which he took every picture in his room of myself and/or Jonnie and threw them face down. It was a bit heartbreaking but I knew that he was angry with us and that is to be expected. After given time to calm down, I approached him and tried to get him to tell me why he was so angry. He immediately went into wanting to see his sisters (he has half sisters who live with his biological mother) and other family members where he knows he can be in control. He hated that we were in control today!
He eventually broke down into tears and was able to talk about his anger. He said it was his fault that he doesn't see or live with his mother anymore. He blames himself for her giving up custody of him-his words exactly "it's all my fault because my mom couldn't handle me anymore". I told him it wasn't his fault, it was a choice she made. Unfortunately, he is suffering the consequences which is the hardest aspect of all of this. He is so broken and his heart is so broken. I wish I could fix it for him and I wish he would let us love him.
On another note, Lucas and I had a little respite getaway to my Dad's on Saturday. It was peaceful, restful and quite nice! Luke played, I cleaned off my old computer, and we rested......quietly. I feel a bit refreshed! Hopeful of a calmer week ahead!